Enjoy additional illustrations of church merriment
and mirth
through the panels of ALTAR EGO!

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Well that's just fine! Another volunteer introduced to Big Church via the Two's and Three's department. As we enter this football season, let me make one thing perfectly clear. Jesus would never use the 'West Coast' offense against a 4-3-4 defense! I think God knows how you really feel, don't you?! Pastor Harmon always enjoyed a good practice session before Sunday Service.
I was just fine until you stood up in service and testified that golf was one of your spiritual gifts. (No caption) Big Church just couldn't seem to keep teachers with their new Interactive Sunday School format. The church board would like to report that we are still just a bit short of our fund raising goal for new sanctuary lighting.
That concludes my presentation on time-tested, sure-fired statements that will stunt church growth. Any questions? How did your Sunday School class do with the collage? We know...nobody wields a pitchfork like you Lance. But quite frankly we're getting a bit concerned. After all, the play's been over for three weeks, and we need to get the suit back to the rental shop. I'll take two choruses, three hymns, one prayer... and one sermon hold the conviction please.
Dad says if it wasn't for your sermons, he'd never get any sleep. I had prepared a fiery sermon entitled Apathy in the church, ...but to be totally honest,.. I just don't care anymore. The first reported case of Mad Cow Disease. Pastor, we appreciate your efforts in fund raising, however, renting the baptismal pool out as a 'Holy Hot Tub' during the week is just not acceptable.
What I really need is a translation that won't leave me feeling guilty, convicted or in need of making some kind of decision. Definition of ministry...? I can't help it...I seem to always have this obsessive urge to follow. Chef school or no chef school...I've told to a hundred times. We are serving Communion, not brunch!
I was just fine with the concept of sharing my faith until Pastor said we actually had to talk to people. That can't be right! I distinctly heard you say Gold, Frankincense and Fur!!! What's up with great parking spot?...Pastor on vacation?  

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